HBO is rerunning its series “Tell Me You Love Me.”
The premise of the show is simple. It follows four couples as they struggle with intimacy.
“Struggling with intimacy” is redundant because intimacy is always a struggle. It’s not necessarily hard to get close to another human being, but to stay close requires constantly being faced with things we don’t like that we see in the other person. Whether and how we can honestly come to terms with these things is the basis for intimacy.
The process of establishing or deepening intimacy is often not pretty. But it is the realest thing we go through in our lives. This is why the 20th century theologian Paul Tillich used intimacy as one of two ways of understanding God. (The other was ultimacy.)
In movies and TV shows, sex is used as an easy surrogate for intimacy. But it is unusual to find a story that focuses on the reality of long-term intimacy.
“Tell Me You Love Me” attempts to put the struggle for intimacy on the screen. In includes sex--some of it is graphic, even for HBO. It's not for the squeamish. But its depiction is part of the story. We begin to see into each relationship, and how each person tries to deeply trust another.
Because the subject matter is so difficult, watching can sometimes be an uncomfortable experience. It has been for me.
After a couple of episodes, though, I find it very rewarding indeed. And I find that I care about the characters, as unbelievably aggravating as some of them are.
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